Sometimes my thoughts get the best of me. Hell, oftentimes my thoughts run the show. Thing is, our thoughts are just an aspect of who we are. It’s not healthy to let them control or terrorize us. We can observe a thought and let it go or shift it if it doesn’t serve us.

When my ego takes center stage— I don’t care if strangers feel me or not. That’s part of my personality but it’s not “who I am”. With my writing, I’ve set out to connect with others from a more soulful space. So a slew of new insecurities have emerged.

 

I don’t doubt that my messages are purposeful and necessary. I know they come from my heart so I trust that they are impactful. The question is, am I doing it right?

What if my ideas are too far-fetched, too soon? Maybe I need to write a less radical post? Then piggyback with another where I dive deeper? Or a book. That’s it. I’ll stop sharing and connecting. I’ll crawl into a crave and write a book instead.

Those thoughts give birth to even more egocentric ideas.
People just won’t understand. Should I dumb it down?
Maybe I need to mind my own business?

I’m trying not to get caught up in “right” and “wrong” .. let’s look at two real-world examples.

Let’s think back to Drake in ’09.

When he released “Best I Ever Had,” he started becoming a household name. Similar phenomenon occurred when J Cole released his single “Workout.” It seemed like the masses finally welcomed them with open arms.

I’ll never forget sitting indian style on my tiny dorm mattress during my first summer at FSU. There I was, on my laptop screen, boobs  bouncing all over my screen. I was watching the “Best I Ever Had” video. And while he girls were cute, the video was silly. Shallow. Catty. I couldn’t help but wonder: is this the Drake I love?! The one that was deep and going against the grain? The same Drake that said “…but slip up and shoot the wrong fucking video, And they think they can market you however they decide to” in “Say What’s Real”?

He was lowkey spittin’ prophecy, and he still sold out. He knew “they” would try him. Water him down to appeal on a different level. I heard the video concept was Kanye’s so I understand why Drake“went with it. Kanye was like a role model to him.

Now let’s consider J. Cole. Mr. No Role Modelz

He made a very similar decision though. Even though he didn’t have girls in gym clothes in his video. Which is ironic since it would’ve made more sense for him to take that approach. His “hit single” was a diluted version of the J Cole I loved. Since I was happy that people were finally realizing how amazing he was I didn’t hold anything against him.

Yet when “Let Nas Down” came out, he bared his soul. Talked about how he realized that dumbin’ himself down went against who he was. He gave us some perspective on his ego and his soul struggle.

An excerpt from the song:

Therefore I write from the heart
Apologies to OG’s for sacrificin’ my art
But I’m here for a greater purpose
I knew right from the start

It was an amazing composition and he proceeded to do his thing moving forward. His latest album was the ultimate testament to his vulnerability. He was hesitant that people wouldn’t feel him but he followed his heart and told his story. And bam. He became the first rapper in 25-years to release a platinum-selling album without any guest appearances or features!

Did Drake go back to his roots?

Unfortunately, I feel like Drake got trapped in this exhausting limbo. Yeah, he’s “successful,” but he’s not right within. Not in alignment. Sometimes his soul cries out to us. Then, people make fun! So most times, his guard is up. Cheap thrills and hallow affairs. It’s all ego.

I heard a new song by him and The Game this week though. In the song he says: “I would have all of your fans if I didn’t go pop and I stayed on some conscious shit.”  

I guess he’s finally realizing that while he’s super famous, he can’t tell his fans from his haters. He lost a lot of his loyal, soulful following, when he sold out.

The Takeaway

Do I want a Sprite endorsement? sure. But have you seen the “G.O.M.D” video?
J Cole is a mthafckin legend (in my Drizzy voice!) because his Inner G flows straight from his heart. He cultivates his relationship with those who are inspired by his authenticity. He stays true to his tribe.

I realize that doubt trickles in as my ego’s way to keep me small. To protect me from rejection. We’ve all been sedated. Stripped of our openness and oneness. So instead of putting out click-bait like articles like “How to Get a Man by the End of the Month!!!” I have to accept that there will be a disconnect between me and the masses from time to time.

The same way my ego can try to keep me safe it can give me illusions of grander and unlock golden doors. But I don’t want to take the J Cole approach and apologize for sellin’ out later. Much less, the Drake approach and be trapped in a egocentric whirlwind of disconnection.

I can spoon feed my readers and shape my messages to impact more people.
OR I can keep doing me. Keepin’ it G by staying true to who I am.

I want to connect the people who are on a similar wavelength as me, or ready to be.
My ego fills me with doubt on occasion but my spirit lights up the darkness. Gotta let this inner G flow.