Pens, planners and post-its. Writing always helps me deal. Here, I explore how to heal. I’m plucking out pesky thoughts and nurturing tender feelings. Slowing down to breathe and release the love that lives inside me. “My cup runneth over” so I’m here to overflow…

In an article I published on Camarilla Complex  I asserted that we can’t find happiness outside ourselves. We won’t feel “whole” by accumulating accomplishments and acquiring accolades. Won’t be “complete” in the arms of another.  We’re essentially condemned to being dissatisfied, or as the Old + New Testament would put it–

hell funny

That is, until we “see the light”. We won’t feel satisfied unless we can tap into it.
Fulfillment is the feeling we get when we’re plugged to the Source. I call the power source: God. That connection fuels our energy (innerG) and when we make room for innerG flow, that’s love.

Tapping into “love and light” means honoring a divine bond. Listening to my “conscious”, deconstructing my fears, trusting my intuition, paying attention to gut feelings, being inspired by “genius”…

All sacred texts (like the Bible) have epic story-telling. Elaborate depictions and outstanding parables on every page. They are tools to help you dive deeper into yourself. Not a How to Be Eternally Happy When You Die” Manual or “Why You’ll Never Be Good Enough” Guide. If you follow “the word” but disconnect from your highest self (the God in you/ Spirit ) you’ll feel the proverbial flames. We’ve all felt them. When it rains it pours kinda thing…

I realize now I can make the thunder storms stop. I’ll explore the magic in that. In letting go of old beliefs, rules and regulations. I’ve unlearned so much. New notions now resonate on a deeper level. These days, most realizations feel familiar. Like I just needed a reminder. Hopefully I can jog your memory, too. I want you to reclaim your power. Walk on purpose. Move with passion. Dance and laugh at yourself. 

Disclaimer(s)

I won’t have disclaimers on every post so let’s get on the same page about where I am. That way you can see how you’ll benefit from being here with me. 

I’m dumping a lot on you in this one sitting so I’ll break things down in posts to come. Just want you to know what’s helping me choose happiness and healthiness over instant gratification. It’s my intent to make concepts and modalities from different schools of thought (psychology, sociology, biochemistry, quantum physics, etc.) easier to digest.  I’ll show you how these subjects affect us on a daily basis. And share resources that will help rewire your brain to aid in your expansion.

You’ll notice I poke fun at sensitive subjects.  I love to feel light, and tend to make light. For better or worse. Call it a coping mechanism? a nervous twitch? a zest for life??? However you perceive it, just know that having a sense of humor is must around hereI’m going to connect with you on different levels. From holy to petty. Take what serves you and leave what doesn’t.

Click To Tweet

Religion x Me

Faith isn’t a topic most people take lightly. Religion is at the root of most wars. It’s unfortunate that ideologies create rifts among communities, families, and even tears on the fabric of who we are.

Most of us are taught to spend our lives awaiting a divine pat on the back at the end of the tunnel. No disrespect to what you currently believe but let’s call my writing… provocative. I debunk popular beliefs, widely accepted ideas, and misconceptions. I’m here to challenge what we’ve been taught.

I grew up Catholic. Then Christianity saved me at 14 when I accepted Jesus as my lord and personal savior. I spent nearly 10 years clinging to that belief. Feeling like Jesus in all his perfection was a being very different from me. Worthy of my praise because he gave his life for us lil heathens. And if I didn’t believe in him I had no chance of dying and relocating to paradise.

Watch Zeitgeist if you’re ready to bust that mind open.

My thoughts on “Jesus” have evolved. Now that I’m on a spiritual path (in relation to the God in me) I see him as a role model. He’s more so– the homie. He was rebellious at a time when the world was in disarray. He stood up for what he knew to be true in his heart despite having the masses against him. He didn’t bow down to anyone or anything but the God inside us all. I see now that he’s not the plug. He’s not gonna slide me into the pearly gates of heaven cuz I claim to know and accept him. MAD PEOPLE are calling his line without realizing they are THE PLUG.

How many hateful people do you know who SWEAR they’re “God-fearing”?

works

God is the force that connects us all.
God is love.
When I tell you I love you, I see God in you. Click To Tweet

The Shift

After giving up on my first entrepreneurial venture, a series of events unfolded that drove me to depression. I didn’t call it by name, then. I never thought it would “happen to me”. But I was numb. On autopilot. Not sad, just demotivated and disconnected. The more I thought about my slump… the more helpless and exhausted I became.

Avoid brain fatigue fueled by overthinking. Click To Tweet

I wanted to drown out my clouded emotions and fluffy misery. Not realizing I was just abandoning myself. I was (secretly) uneasy about others not holding me down while I was down. When really, I wasn’t even “there” for myself. I wasn’t patient and kind to the ONE person I needed the most — my damn self.

So What’s Underneath?

Behind my smiles and deliberate “niceness” I was in pain. And didn’t even know it. Underneath my achievements I had so much to prove. I realized that time doesn’t heal wounds. Just helps us ignore the ache.

It’s my duty to find these sore (sometimes infected) spots that I’ve neglected. That’s how I nurture myself back to health.

Emotions I never used to let myself “feel” periodically come to surface. These feelings have stir up internal turmoil and external “conflict”, but these moments have only helped me understand myself (and others) more. In tapping into the love that lives within me I’ve been able to attract and accept love around me. I’m remembering how magical I am. How full of magic we all are.

Like I mentioned in this post, watch “Spirit Science,” if you want to recall your abilities, too.

Glowin’ Up

I thought I outsmarted life when I learned to suppress my “negative” feelings and discovered how easily I could please people around me. Often times, that’s how I got “my way.” Somehow, what was best for me ended up lost in the shuffle.

Thankfully “this little light of mine” is helping me get out of my own way! Got me to reassess my attitudes, perspectives and overall direction. To reevaluate my relationships with my parents and consequently all my loved ones. To start unpacking my baggage.

Now I see that when I feel anxious or “empty” I’m usually just longing for MYSELF. Yearning to reconnect with the parts of me that have been ostracized. Passions and inclinations left to rot for fear that I’d be less worthy of love and heavenly mercy.

When I believed God was outside of me (watching over us) I was always on GO mode. I became so busy on my quest for success that I didn’t realize I was running from silence and stillness. Hiding from the only place I could refuel. Like when you avoid the gas station but your tank is on E. I was avoiding myself. Tuning out my Spirit. Forfeiting my feelings. Neglecting my body. Purely focused on what was on my mind. Hence why I accumulated “mental clutter.”

I’m intrinsically drawn to people’s pain. I used to dive into the next person’s anguish to avoid feeling my own. A bug attracted to light. I’m comfortable dealing with shadows. I can bear what people hide from others and peep what people deny themselves. Perhaps I always gravitate toward people who are just. like. me.

The Occult (what’s hidden)

I have a hard time admitting that I was ever afraid of the dark. I’ve always been fascinated by the “unknown”. Hearing scary stories, reading suspenseful book, watching horror movies… it was a happy childhood in my eyes. Clearly I was pacified by the idea that monsters lived outside of me. 

By third grade, I had an extensive collection of rocks and crystals. I even got my first tarot deck. “Tia Milagros” (my aunt) knew to bring her woes to me. That same year, I started studying for my First Communion by exploring the bible. I quickly (and fearfully) left “dark” pieces of myself behind because the bible says so. 

Religious teachings further instilled a sense of morality and “belonging” within me but certain beliefs eventually fell short.

I’m currently working to reintegrate all of me. The same way the moon complements the sun, we all have a “shadow.” Science refers to our ‘shadow’ is our subconscious mind.

 

conscious-vs-subconscious

You know how “they” say we only use 10% of our brains? WELP, that’s because 90% of our mind operates on a subconscious level. Essentially, we are not aware of the thoughts that live in this powerful space. It’s home to ideas, beliefs, schemas, painful memories, etc., that we keep locked away. These buried thoughts often trigger emotional responses in us. It’s our duty to observe ourselves, see what affects us, and ask ourselves “why?”

Working with Your Shadow

When you’re ready to embrace your shadow (which is begging for your attention) you can’t think about what you’re feeling. “Thinking” is a conscious process.

Simply ask yourself: “when was the first time I felt this way?”

Different scenarios may arise. Each of which is yearning for you to make amends so you can annihilate thoughts that may be poisoning you.

My “shadow-side” can propel me to be irrational and/or mean (to myself and others) if I have an “issue” that’s been swept under the rug. I can’t leave any part of me behind as I elevate! As I’m learning to be more gentle with my “inner child” I’m soothing my soul and letting pain go.

If you’re interested in learning how to work with your “shadow” I recommend this video. Teal is a little peculiar but if you’re serious about healing I’m sure you will happily consume TONS of her videos!

Brain Science/Magic

The idea behind neuroplasticity is that whenever we engage in a new behavior and adapt new practices our brain remodels itself. But comfort and change don’t often coexist. 

We don’t typically consider the all the aspects of our lives that cruise on auto-pilot. We don’t realize how much influence we have over our own biochemistry. We don’t always use our resources. We stick to what we’ve been taught.

Aside from being the pilot– tap into the control tower.
Most of us get “stuck” in the pilot seat without realizing we can get into the seat of the “observer” and “helper”.
I am reprogramming my mind (flight patterns) with the help of Spirit (the tower).

How?

  • Embracing silence
  • Becoming aware of my habits and self-limiting beliefs
  • Being mindful of what triggers my emotions
  • Paying attention to what I feel
  • Asking myself questions
  • Changing the way I speak to myself
  • Altering my judgmental disposition
  • Reconnecting with my heart
  • Keeping an open mind

So What’s Next?

I’m investing in me. Playing show and tell as I learn the importance of mindfulness and exploring collective consciousness. In paying attention to the big ol’ universe, I’m seeing synchronicity everywhere.

I’ve been a huge cynic over the years (still got a big ego) so it’s not easy for me to open up and share my journey with you. To face the possible judgment and ridicule?! But fuck it. Fear is where God isn’t! I’m not just talking smoke and mirrors. Not preaching with no practice. This is MY LIFE.

I know I’m on a path that aligns with my purpose. If you got this far you’re here for a reason. No matter what you believe in I encourage you to keep that mind open. Everyday I welcome new concepts. Connect with new people. Reconnect with all that I am. Balance is essential. Awareness is crucial. Openness to heal and grow is everything. Authenticity will put you on the right track.

There is no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to connecting with Spirit. All paths lead to the same place. Don’t be afraid to explore yourself  in order to make more room for love and magic in your life. You already have EVERYTHING you need. You are the plug. 

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